I Control My Future

I sat down in front of the computer about four hours ago. I was planning on getting some school work out of the way. Had some summaries to write and a paper to write for philosophy of science before the semester ends. Instead, I wrote one summary, did two loads of laundry, watched Funny Games -- I give it a 7.5/10 - interesting film, but my expectations must have been too high and they weren't met -- and posted on a various forum boards. I don't really have anything on my mind, but I figured it was due time for a blog post. The title of this blog... "I control my future". No, actually, I don't. Well, in some ways I do. I choose to do good or bad, but ultimately, G-d's in charge of my future. I don't really understand why that bothers some people. With G-d taking care of your future you can kind of sit back and relax. Every little thing you do doesn't need to be over-analyzed because in the end, you're going to end up wherever G-d takes you. Some people don't like having complete control, but I, on the other hand, think it's a huge stress reliever.


//'Festival Song" - Good Charlotte - it's sfira and that song popped into my head for reasons unknown.

Can't Think of Any Lyrics, Sorry.

It's amazing. It only took one conversation with one friend to make me completely change my opinion (from my last post). Just thought I'd let all my readers know I'm in a much better place right now.

Who gives a crap what the title is? I'm pissed.

I feel like I've been given the shaft by a lot of my friends. I try to keep in contact, but if I don't contact them, I won't hear from them until, well, until the next time I contact them. I'd have to say that this pisses me off quite a bit and makes me rethink our entire friendship. Now I don't know if these memories that I'm having are real or not. Was this always how it was and I didn't notice it or because this is happening now my mind is seeing things that are not there? I just feel like I put in a lot of effort and get almost nothing in return. Although I doubt any of them actually reads this, I hope that they just happen to read this post. Maybe I should just bring it to their attention (not the post, but the feelings I'm expressing in it), but I know the answer I'd get. "Oh Jessica, you're just being silly. You know we're friends!" And then I'm made out to just be seeing things that aren't there... great.

I Couldn't Say Why

So many different things go on in my head right now. I've decided to take a break from the paper I was writing (It's about Descartes and Leibniz's philosophies of the mind-body union. Some pretty interesting stuff.) to write about the various things going on in my head.

I just deleted about 40 lines of text. I was going to write about what was important to me religiously because I've noticed that many of the Jewish bloggers I come into contact with speak in the negative about religion. Not that they're anti-religion, but it's what they don't want to do or what they don't agree with, and not what they do want to do. I wanted to know what people consider positive about religion and the positive things that they find important in their beliefs. But as I wrote I was worried that people would think I was writing specifically at or against them, and I wasn't. So I started over and that brings us to the present and to my next topic.

I receive Chabad's Daily Dose of wisdom in my inbox every morning. When I first started getting this a little over a year ago, the e-mails were interesting and thought provoking. The few lines of text enlightened me, I guess. But lately they have seemed kind of silly. I think they may have changed the author (It's based on the Rebbe's teachings, but its someone else writing out those teachings). (Oh, just for the record, I'm not Lubavitch -- just a fan.) Anyway, today's Daily Dose was especially dull dumb incoherent.

" G-d knows all before it occurs. More than that: It is His knowledge that brings all events into being.
But we still have free choice.
You claim this is illogical. I ask you: Knowledge of existence before any thought of any thing exists is logical?
When we talk about the Source of All Existence, our principles of logic no longer apply. We don't understand a thing, because there is no understanding."

I was okay with this until that last part of the last line. "[T]here is no understanding." What the hell?! Is this guy serious? What's he doing sending out the Daily Dose everyday if there is no understanding. Now, maybe I'm taking this out of context. Maybe he's saying that we can't understand how G-d can know everything, yet at the same time we have free will and in that, there is no understanding. But based on the first part of the sentence -- "We don't understand a thing" -- it makes me think I'm not taking it out of context at all. Whether you agree with the G-d knowing/free will thing, what is your take on that last sentence? Am I taking it out of context or is the author just hoping no one will understand so he won't be fired for spreading crap?

//'Gone' by Bouncing Souls -- this was one of my favorite songs growing up. Thanks to frumpunk's new header (which is a different Bouncing Souls song), it put this song back in my head and, as soon as I get a chance to download it, onto my mp3 player.

Exterminate The Whole Human Race

Let me start off by saying that philosophy of science has almost nothing to do with philosophy. That being said, yesterday, as I was sitting in my philosophy of science course my professor says something along the lines of, "Don't forget. Class participation is part of your grade. There are a lot of you in here that have spoken so little that I don't even know your names. Think about that." So I thought about it and what came into my head first was Good. I'm glad you don't know my name. That way it makes it that much harder to call on me during class. I was inspired after he said that though and wrote a blog post in my notes. Here is said blog post:

Class participation. Something I do not pay much attention to. I find it interesting that some teachers take "class participation" into account for your final grade in the class. What's the point? If I have nothing to add to the lecture - no questions, no comments - what am I supposed to say? Should I just say something faux-intelligent like so many of my classmates like to do? Or maybe I'll go with "So what's your opinion on this, Professor?" If I have nothing relevant to say, then I think its better that I keep my mouth shut. Would you rather I run my mouth and not actually pay attention to what's coming out of it? I'd like to know your opinion on that, Professor. If I am going to get a zero for lack of participation, then people who say irrelevant things should also get no credit. In fact, they should get points deducted. Not only for taking away precious class time, but also for making us all dumber for having to listen to their pseudo-philosophical drivel.


//'Astro Zombies' - The Misfits

"The Great Gatsby" - F. Scott Fitzgerald

It boggles my mind that some books are considered classics. While "The Great Gatsby" was quick reading, I found nothing redeeming about the story at all. I felt like I was having a conversation with a name-dropper. You know the type. They just talk and talk and talk about people assuming you know exactly who they're talking about because they're the coolest people ever, but you're just thinking in your head, Who the hell are they talking about and why are they telling me this asinine story? With every new character that was introduced that is how I felt. I definitely wasn't bored while I read it, but I can't help but feel that this book was a complete waste of my time.

And I Can't Tell If You're Laughing

Corey and I have been watching every episode of The X-Files in order in preparation for the new movie coming out on July 25th. I used to watch The X-Files religiously when it was on in the 90's. Back then I was obsessed with Mulder (mostly because I thought he was hot), but this time around, I'm seeing Scully in a whole new light. Though I'm not much of a swearer, Scully is bad ass. She's been kidnapped several times, been diagnosed with cancer, had people very close to her die and she always manages to keep her cool and come out stronger. She questions things, but only when it is relevant. In other words, she doesn't just question things to question things. There is an educated reason behind her questions. Also, her struggle between her faith in the sciences and her faith in Christianity is so, for lack of a bigger vocabulary word, deep. Scully is strong without being man-ish. She's just a strong woman in every sense of the word. I think I missed all of this first time around because my love for Mulder over-shadowed my love for most of the other characters and because I was junior high/high school age first time around. I'd like to think I've matured somewhat over the years.

//'Paper Wings' by Rise Against